We sometimes take our love ones for granted, and we expect that they will be with us forever. However, as we all know, life does not work that way and sometimes we get a wake up call that shocks us and makes us stand back and realize how short life is.

i’m sorry.

i went to the place where we used to fish at teluk bahang there. when you took me for a second time fishing. remember? i went there yesterday. sat there and stare at the sea for like nearly half the day.

cause i remembered the last time you took me there was because i was down with something. the scenery there was nice. very relaxing. i do not why i went there. i drove and i just did. 

remember my message that i did not reply you “not surprise if” 

yes. it was all this about. not surprise if you never talk to me again. but i could never accept it. but i know there are shortcomings and flaws that you would never accept me. i do also know even no matter how much i love you, you will never love me or forgive me. 

when you asked me if i ever deserve a second chance, i already knew that i do not deserve that chance any longer. but i was afraid to tell you. so obvious to see that i am losing you. 

i did not get a chance to tell you that you are not my number one but the ONE and ONLY in my heart. 

i guess i need to leave. it was hard to type that text. my finger was heavy. so is my heart. 

i’ll miss you and

i will always love you.

i promised that i will be there for you if you ever need me and yeah, i will wait.

songs & coffee

we had drinks. i have my coffee and you have your tea.

sitting outside feeling the sea breeze. (not exactly but near to the sea also)

having you by my side with the 80s and 90s songs playing in the background.

YES! nothing gonna stop us now.

and i’m glad that i found you too. simple yet such a powerful phrase being used.

with the power of love, whatever is bitter will turn sweet by you.

hehe

i love you. having to see you three days in a row. make me feel contented. i want us to be always happy. want you to be happy too. this is what i said to myself when i very first fall for you.

i have bought ice cream, i just do not want it to melt away…

i just HATE SUNDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

go away SUNDAY!

….

“to be left behind

or

to leave behind

i wonder which hurts more”

sometimes

i was never away from you. i never told you that, “hey i will be away for a few days” or “i got work elsewhere for months”.

so i guess you never know how i exactly feel.

yes, i was away for a weekend but a pretty short one. just a day. because of what a blissful life i have that we have airways travel that i managed to be back to spend the weekend with you even for a few hours.

then, we fought. come to say of it, i was disappointed. i would have tell you i was tired. i would have tell you i want to stay home and i would have get the 9pm ticket back.  but i did not.

i was looking forward to have dinner together. yet we fought our what to eat and where to eat. of course we make it up after that but then ….

today you told me you will be going away for weeks or month. indeed was upset but what can i do. time will heal the wound but the scar remains and our love will stay as always. do not ask why i love a dumbass like you. i don’t know why too.

yeah, i never was, never be and will never be.

yet, i still love you.

messages

cannot believe i have kept 800 of sms. not to forget our emails. when i finally meet my 95% limit, guess it is time for me to delete.

i read them as i delete. kept those is sweet still.

laugh and smile by myself.

could feel them in my heart.

something i cannot explain and i do not expect others to understand.

just you & me, us.

day #11

starting to miss you. NO! i always did.

you were not in  a good mood yesterday. i know. i saw it once i opened the car door. saw you and my heart hurts.

do not know what to say to you. just sat next to you as always since way before us. i do not why. later you told me that you will feel better when i am just next to you. so i will always try my best to be with you when you are angry.

but i will never know what to do when i am the one making you angry which i always did. i do not want to but i guessed i just did.

love you as always.

day #10

when i read about the protected post you wrote on your blog last week, tears could not stop rolling down.  i never hope there is this day, when we have to leave each other yet still love each other. when i could not hold you when you are just beside me. when i could not tell you that i love you even if i love you with all my heart. when i could not kiss you goodbye or goodnight when i send you home. seeing you walking away, make me realised that i really love you.

my heart could not just let you go. i once told you i will wait till you come back to me no matter how long. i will wait. this is something i can only promise you.

til i met you. i never know what love is. now i know. because you gave me the best out of anyone could have.

it is our 8th month together. glad you are back in my arms and i am still yours.

i love you, as always will.